Scarred Tissue
by TheDrunkenWerewolf
Summary: Heirverse phase 5. Post Heir. AiGin. Over time, Gin watches his scars fade away and disappear. Burn scars from baking. Cuts from battles and kitchen knife accidents. But some scars he'll carry with him forever.


Summary: Heirverse phase 5. Post Heir. AiGin. Over time, Gin watches his scars fade away and disappear. Burn scars from baking. Cuts from battles and kitchen knife accidents. But some scars he'll carry with him forever.

Business: Only things I own are Erik, the foxes, and The Voice.

Wordcount: 1108

a/n: for Time for her birthday [a little late but things happened].

This was way more cathartic than it had any goddamn rights to be. Tears were definitely shed at the end of writing this.

Notes/warnings: Say hello to p5 [does it hurt yet?]. After Heir. After the War. Family/hurt/comfort. Feelings. GSW's, if you know me [hint: I am the asshole who wrote CWST, Crystalline, Decimated, and currently writing Fisher]. Internal angst and References to PTSD and attempted (non explicit) sexual assault because Voice is a dick [if you're into this series, read 'I Love' again and look at the ending]. Can possibly be read as a standalone story but works better with series context like with everything.

Enjoy.

* * *

"_It has been said 'time heals all wounds'. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."_

_\- Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy._

**Scarred Tissue**

If Ichimaru Gin ever wanted to see how much he'd changed over the years, all he'd have to do was look in a mirror. If he wanted to see _how _he'd changed, and why, all he needed to do was look inwards. And examine the mass of scarred tissue around his heart.

There he'd find scars of many different ages and sizes. Some scars deeper than others. But all of them scars he'd carry forever. Along with some of their less pleasant side effects. Of course, however many years later, long after the war, in a new life, with a new family, you'd think they'd all have healed over. Vanished without a trace. That Gin himself would have moved on from those old wounds by now.

But that's the thing about scars. They fade over time, grow fainter and fainter with each passing month, year, decade... but they never really go away. They'll always exist. No matter how many times you tell yourself 'it doesn't matter now, it doesn't hurt anymore', it'll always matter. And it'll always hurt.

Always.

The same goes for Gin and his scars. They'll always be there. They'll always be a part of him. And they'll never, ever, go away. He'd just have to learn how to live with them, and deal with the pain as they fade. And remind himself that yes, he does, in fact, have reasons to go on living.

As he opens up his tired eyes one Sunday morning, he finds all of those reasons curled up asleep in the bed with him, and he smiles at them all because last night was a bad one and he still remembers the nightmare vividly. He vaguely remembers being held and comforted, but he doesn't remember much else. Just the terror.

He finds his whole family is with him, which is a nice thing to wake up to. There's the foxes Cherry and Tsuku of course, curled up in one big ball of white fluff. And his little boy, Erik, looking for all the world like a miniature version of Aizen Sousuke. He must have come in the night when he heard the terrified screaming... Gin had faint memories of the boy embracing him until he calmed down, succeeding where Sousuke had failed. He felt a little bit guilty about that now, but what could he do when Sousuke was the subject of the nightmare? Looking at him like a piece of meat, trying to hurt him, trying to prise his legs apart, a puppet of The Voice, the Monster...

Gin's eyes flickered over to where his husband lay in their bed, their son sandwiched between them. Sousuke had an arm slung out over them both, reaching out to him even in sleep. And in those calm, quiet moments of the morning, Gin was just glad he was still here. That it all really _had _been just a bad dream.

A bad dream that he'd take a while to recover from, but a bad dream nonetheless. When the sea inside him settled again, he'd make it up to him. But in the meantime he'd just take it slowly. Take some deep breaths. Go one day at a time. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other until he found his stride again and the pain of that particular scar subsided again.

Gin loved him. He really did. But the past still had such awful ugly side effects. And sometimes – like last night – he still suffered some of them. Still suffered some of the consequences of loving Aizen Sousuke. And their time together in Huecco Mundo; the place where nightmares were born.

Sousuke probably was, too. Though his scars were very different.

Gin reached out to settle a hand on him, only to pause mid-reach when Sousuke mumbled, still half asleep Gin paused, hesitating, part of him wondering if it was really going to be his Sousuke when he woke up fully – until he reminded himself that was ridiculous. The Voice was gone now, so...

"Gin?" Sousuke mumbled again, his brown eyes slowly blinking open. "You're awake."

Gin looked across at him. Even his smile looked tired. Had he been awake all night? Because it looked like he had. What did he do? Just lie there watching over him, guarding him while he slept like they were living in the Rukongai District again?

"Hey," Gin answered softly. "Yeh, I'm awake."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better," Gin answered softly. Because it was true; he did feel better. Not quite a hundred percent yet, but that would take a bit of time. That was if it was even possible to get back to being at one hundred percent again. He might be too damaged. They _both_ might be too damaged. They might be like Sousuke's favourite cat mug, with visible fracture lines even though it'd been glued back together again.

Gin couldn't really speak for his husband, but he knew _he_ was like that. Whole and functional, but very fractured, if you looked closely enough.

Some days were worse than others. On those days Gin wasn't even sure his broken wings would ever heal, let alone fly again. Another unpleasant side effect of flying too close to his Sun that ended in tears and a lot of broken things. Including his heart, for one.

Glued back together now, made pretty with Kintsugi, the art of fixing broken things with gold, but still cracked. Still broken.

He'd definitely need a few days after this one, at least. To lick his wounds, reinforce the glue holding him together, and rebuild.

"I'm glad you're feeling a bit better," Sousuke smiled.

"Well, not fully better," Gin added, because how could he be fully better? "But s'an improvement."

Sousuke nodded. He knew it would take time, it always did. How long had it taken for him to recover from _his_ last nightmare? Days. Weeks, even. So he understood.

"Well," Sousuke said gently, reaching out and squeezing Gin's hand, "You know I'm here if you need me."

Gin nodded and squeezed his hand back, using all of his energy just to keep from crying, though his eyes were watering like nobody's business.

"Always?" he choked out.

"Always," Sousuke answered. And at that Gin _did _cry. The sob leaving him before he could do anything to stop it. Tears blurred his vision so much that he didn't even notice Sousuke had left their bed and crawled in again on his side until his arms were around him, holding him close while Gin clung to him and cried.


End file.
